i'm 18, going on 19 this year and in college. i'm saving up to get my own place but as of right now i can't. i probably won't be able to for 6-8 months. i do most things for myself and pay for all of my own stuff, etc. and i've always been pretty well behaved. never went to highschool parties, never did any drugs or gave my parents any real trouble. half of the time i'm not even allowed to do things like sleep at a friends house or take the bus to the mall (i don't have a car yet, the economy is really bad here and my minimum wage, minimum hour job hasn't helped enough yet). if they don't want to drive me or let me use the car, i can't go anywhere. i have to run exactly on their schedule. and i understand, they have their own things to do & it wouldn't be a problem if they would just let me take the bus or walk places.
honestly if i said i was going to take a walk to the corner store at 2:00pm on a normal day my mom tell me no. she has nerve issues and is way too cautious about everything. i can see that it wouldn't be a smart idea for me to walk down an empty alley at like 1:00am but with my friends to get a fucking slushy in the middle of the day!? it's pretty embarassing too, my friends can do so much more than me. i'm legally an adult now, treated like an 11 year old.. max. so they're pretty much suffocating me. i've tried talking to them about it, but they don't listen. they justify it with saying that they're only looking out for me, and say that my friends parents obviously don't care about them very much if they let them "go out and walk the streets like that". they're really old fashioned, religious and think everything is "OUTRAGEOUS" ; the opposite of me. i'm a real free spirit and i feel so trapped here, i know they may mean well, but it can get pretty depressing missing out on everything. i honestly feel depressed.
the worst thing about it now is that there's a concert at the end of the month that i really want to go to. music is a huge part of my life and makes me really happy. when i asked about it they looked at me like i was absolutely insane and said flat out no with no reason. i gave them a few days and then asked again, telling them all the facts ; that my friends older sister (24) and her best friend will be driving and going with us and that we'll all stick together and she'll have me home before midnight. i showed them pictures of the venue and the FAQS on it, that it has lots of security and all and they didn't listen to one word i said. just said no. & believe me, if i could sneak out i would, but they're way too hard to get past. i don't even have a key so i could lock the door on my way out, i would probably break a leg if i got out my window and make a scene and i have a lovely loud garage door. they know the night the concert is now and wouldn't believe me if i said i was going anywhere else. and i wouldn't even be able to sleep out anyways! and if i just go ahead and go anyways, they would make my life miserable and deny me and money they may help with for college expenses.
there's a lot more than i mentioned as well, this has been going on ever since i was little. i see that obviously when you're younger you're not going to be able to do that much by yourself but for example when i was 12, i wasn't allowed to swimming at my best friends or even to her house for a couple hours. i wasn't even allowed to go to little birthday parties they'd have at the movie theatre, etc. i can't say for sure but i think this was the cause to the anorexia i had from ages 11-13, because i felt like i had no control over anything. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/health-news/overprotective-parents-may-be-causing-anorexia-724569.html
i know many people back all this up with, "oh they love you, be thankful". but there is a limit!
it is really really wrong what they have done to you, but hopefully it has made you a better, stronger person.
Just because they are your parents doesnt automatically mean they are doing the right thing by you, a lot of people end up screwed up because of their parents, but its up to the individual to allow it.
I think you should call a meeting, sit down and tell them its time to listen to you, and speak the truth and be firm. Tell them exactly how you feel about how they are treating you, and that they need to let you go as you need to become your own person and have your own personality.
It was really wrong what they did to you, but you can put an end to it. You need to show them that you have a mind of your own and you arent their child anymore thats going to be walked over by them. My fiance had huge emotional issues all his life because of his parents and thankfully i showed him the truth to what they were doing to him and he hasnt spoken to them for years and it was the best thing he ever did, he is so happy and a different person.
Take it from me, dont let it control you and be your own person.
Probably going to have to deal with it until you are able to move out.
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You're right…there is a limit, but I cant think of anything to cure this but time. That will not help you get to the concert, but maybe your friends could tape it or send you txt messages with pix? As it is onlt months, try to be patient. best of luck
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Wow, your folks are FAR too paranoid.
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PLEASE BABY BIRD FLY AWAY FROM THE NEST WE HAVE GIVEN YOU ALL WE KNOW NOW LET US SPEND OUT TWILIGHT YEARS WITH GRAND CHILDREN KNOWING WE LEARNED YOU GOOD PLEASE LITTLE BIRD FLY AWAY INTO THE SUNSHINE SO WE MAY SMILE FOR YOU WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR 18 YEARS YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU WOULD MAKE SOME YOUNG MAN A FINE CATCH FIND HIS NET AS I WAS FOUND BY YOUR FATHER SO HE MAY SMILE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT MA MA WAS ALSO A GOOD CATCH AND YOUR MAN WILL BE A NEW FAMILY MEMBER SO TOGETHER ALL OF YOU SHALL CONTINUE YOUR FAMILY TREE TOGETHER WHERE ALL YOUR GENERATIONS WAIT FOR THE NEXT PAIR OF LOVE BIRDS FOR THE TREE MUST KEEP GROWING OR THIS ALL HAS BEEN FOR NOT …AT LEAST YOU KNOW NOW SO BE STRONG AND HEED THESE WORDS THIS GO'S DEEPER THAN MANY DARE TO GO EXCEPT FOR YOU NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IS IN THE MINDS OF ALL THOSE BIRDS THAT FLY AROUND IN THE SKY ASK YOUR SELF COULD I BE WRONG AND IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING ELSE THAN LOVE IS JUST A FOUR LETTER WORD … FEEL FREE TO CALL UPON ME ANY TIME FOR SUPPORT I AM GLAD YOU ASKED FOR A PARENTS JOB IS NEVER DONE UNTIL THEY ARE FREE!!!
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P.S YOUR NEXT?
I agree with answer number one and if they are paying for your college and you move out they will stop paying for college I understand how you feel they cannot keep treating you like this forever but they do love you
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it is really really wrong what they have done to you, but hopefully it has made you a better, stronger person.
Just because they are your parents doesnt automatically mean they are doing the right thing by you, a lot of people end up screwed up because of their parents, but its up to the individual to allow it.
I think you should call a meeting, sit down and tell them its time to listen to you, and speak the truth and be firm. Tell them exactly how you feel about how they are treating you, and that they need to let you go as you need to become your own person and have your own personality.
It was really wrong what they did to you, but you can put an end to it. You need to show them that you have a mind of your own and you arent their child anymore thats going to be walked over by them. My fiance had huge emotional issues all his life because of his parents and thankfully i showed him the truth to what they were doing to him and he hasnt spoken to them for years and it was the best thing he ever did, he is so happy and a different person.
Take it from me, dont let it control you and be your own person.
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I know exactly how you feel, i’ll be eighteen in less than a month and i’m rarely allowed out with friends. My mum needs to meet everyone of my friends before i’m allowed out with them without her. I’ve never been in a relationship because of my mum. If i want a day out by myself, it always causes major issues and my mum has to come with me, even if its just to the corner shop!! I feel suffocated and i feel like i cant breathe. It really upsets me, i want to be able to live a normal life but my mum has major issues about letting me out.
My gosh, i’m going through the EXACT same thing.
I’m 18 and still in HS. I got accepted into some nice colleges and want nothing more than to go…but my mother is SOOO overprotective…she won’t let me go, TO ANY. I’m fighting so hard for her to let me go to the cheapest college of them all but she claims im too young and immature for something like that. I don’t understand, how can i be immature? I have never done anything ‘bad’. Never did drugs, never even smoked a cigarette, i’v never had sex (and won’t till laaater), never snuck out, never skipped class…just never did anything bad. I have tons of friends, and i make new ones all the time. And the result of being liked…is you get invited all over the place. Like you, every time i ask, its a NO, and without a reason. I have even asked my friends to call my mother to ask HER, instead of me. She always finds some bogus lie that i have ‘a lot of homework’. I want to scream at her and tell her how unfair it is…but i have college in the back of my mind…
I’ve also been denied going to after school study sessions.
I’m starting to think though, that a BIG part of the reason she always says no, is because she thinks i’m lying about where i’m going. I have a boyfriend, and maybe she thinks i would be going over to his house instead of where i said i would b going. EVEEEN if i did go to his house, nothing would happen.
Its hard to stay sane when all i see is school and house. Whenever i go out, its with the family.
My mom won’t let me have a job here so trying to get money for an aprt. is impossible.
I agree with a comment about ‘time’. I keep telling myself, in just a couple of years this will ALL be over with and i’ll be living by my own rules. I don’t let it get to me too much. I speak to a couple good friends and my boyfriend about it all and they listen to it all (even try to find solutions).
Just wait…it’ll all be over soon.
I have dealt with this same extreme parenting, to the point where my parents essentially chose my friends for me, and kept me from seeing friends that they thought had different belief systems. I am now 21 and am still living at home. They still place the same restrictions on me. I was quite happily able to save enough money to buy a car so I can get away, much to their discontent. Essentially, you will have to live with it until you move out, as they will most probably never truly listen to you, as my parents don’t.
The only thing I can suggest is to try not to become bitter as I have. I hate my parents, and I know I should not, especially after what they have done for me (when I was younger). I pay for my own college (through acedemic scholarships), I pay for my own car – the only reason I still associate myself with them is because I need a place to live. As soon as I am able to move out, I will not speak with them any longer, because I have let my hatred for them take over. You may not like what they have done to you, but don’t come to hate them as I have, for I do regret it at times.