I have always been so glad that everyone thinks my life is perfect. I never tell anyone anything but happy news, because I hate to be a burden and I like that they can come to me without feelign the need to listen to me. For some reason, just lately, it has started to hurt my feelings. I have tons of friends, and so many people who call me their best friend, but at the same time they are really judgmental of me (I never do that to them, so I don’t understand what I did wrong). I’m always told that I know exactly what people are talking about with any issue they’re having. In that case, how could I understand if my life was truly as perfect as they all tell me it is? Or, I have to get 100s in school, and everyone jokes about it and acts like I don’t do anything aside from school work. They don’t know about everything I do outside of school, from a job to volunteering, and they don’t understand that it’s my responsibility to be the parent to my own parents and to take care of my older siblings. They don’t know that I had an eating disorder, self-injured, and wanted to kill myself (it’s against my religion though). The fact that they tell me how perfect my life is makes it impossible for me to ever admit any of this. One of my friends was mad at me for not telling her anything, but anytime I tried to tell her I had Anorexia/Bulimia, she would start blaming me for stuff I didn’t even do and she would start going on about her self some more (all of that is fine, but I’m hurt that I got all the blame and apologized to her when she never gave me a chance to be anything other than a listening post for her).
I’m tired of being judged when people have no idea what my home life is like. I shouldn’t have to tell them when I don’t want to, I treat them all so nicely and judging isn’t fair (my friends take their anger out on me all the time, and I have always apologized and offered to talk about it and never asked anything of them). Why do people think they can treat me badly? They all tell me I’m the nicest person. So, if I’m that nice why are they mean to me? I always think that everyone has secrets, and, thus, I consider the fact that they have issues that I don’t know about.
It shouldn’t matter, but these past two days I’ve felt a little saddened by it all. I work really hard at everything I do, those straight 100s led me to my eating disorder and to a breakdown. I hate that people joke about me being obsessed as if I’m selfish to want to get into medical school, none of my friends were willing to give up eating and sleeping to study more, I was, how does that make me a bad person? And, my ED wasn’t selfish, because I lied flawlessly and everyone saw my smile and continued asking me for advice and telling me how lucky I was. My own family missed it. I’m tired of being called selfish online and by my brother, when I have never asked my friends for anything, not even for their friendship, and my own family treats me the same way everyone else does. I just am really hurt that I am constantly being blamed for everything; I hate myself very much, and I can’t handle the guilt trips everyone has given me since I was a child anymore.
I am SO sorry, I sound evil and wretched here. I guess I am though, and simply wish it wasn’t true.
This is really difficult to explain and a lot was left out, so I hope it’s not as pathetic a story as it sounds to be here. How can I feel better about all of this? And, do you think I really am to blame? I tried as hard as I could, but I feel like it’s all my fault. I just cannot take the blame anymore, I blame myself and everyone else constantly blames me, I have nowhere to put this guilt.
Again, I’m very sorry. Thank you very much!
Oh my gosh! I am REALLY sorry. This is awfully long, I didn’t even realize while I was typing it.
Well i kind of know how you feel a lot of my friends like me because they can come to me with anything and i just listen but i don’t ever talk about myself because i’m really private and i figure it’s not that important i didn’t go thought anything as tough as you i just use to do self mutilation and have never told ANY one that. they figure i’m the good kid with her head on straight and am always focused on school work and sports so i can go to college. But the reason they blame you for stuff and treat you like that is probably because you ONLY listen to them and never talk about the important or tough stuff so it frustrates them like my friend told me i don’t ever tell her anything but when i try she wants to talk about herself go figure, and she does because i usually let her because i don’t talk to her, so just re evaluate who your friends really are, and try to talk to them about yourself good times and bad times
Oh and sorry it’s so long : ( : )
do it
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I believe you have a passive personality that is expresses your emotions through depression. You won’t express your feelings until it boils up one dayh and explodes. What you need to know is that expressing your feelings is very important. How you express it is the key.
One of the desires we have is to get approval from others. The fear of rejection results in keeping our feeling to ourselves. But no one is entitled to judge us. We sacrifice our happiness to make others feel better. So expressing our feelings is already a big accomplishment.
When there is a criticism. Always take time out to think. Decide on pros and cons. Then make the most important decision. That is to change yourself from a passive to an assertive person. An assertive person is the life of the party. He/she is the one who feels comforatble to express themselves and don’t need approval from everyone else. That’s the "it" factor.
You must let go of your guilt. You must follow what your heart tells you. To confront your friends, first pay them a nice compliment, then say "however, and express yourself". Then tell them the consequence. That shows your sensitivity.
Most importantly, you must respect yourself, be ok with making mistakes, ok with no knowing the answers, have the right to change your mind, ask for what you want, and again take time to think and react.
Good luck.
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You are a nice person and you’re growing up. You need to push some of these people aside because they’re taking advantage of you and using what little energy you have right now. You need to take care of yourself. They will blame you because they can’t take care of themselves. It’s okay to be a bit*h sometimes. Men can be assertive but women can’t? Tell them all you don’t have time for them right now and eventually you may lose some of those haters you call friends but there are better, more qualified, distinguished people who would value and appreciate your friendship later on.
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it sounds like your friends have the problem not you they call you selfish and judge you because they think your life is perfect and they are jelous of you. they should be apologizing to you.
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Well i kind of know how you feel a lot of my friends like me because they can come to me with anything and i just listen but i don’t ever talk about myself because i’m really private and i figure it’s not that important i didn’t go thought anything as tough as you i just use to do self mutilation and have never told ANY one that. they figure i’m the good kid with her head on straight and am always focused on school work and sports so i can go to college. But the reason they blame you for stuff and treat you like that is probably because you ONLY listen to them and never talk about the important or tough stuff so it frustrates them like my friend told me i don’t ever tell her anything but when i try she wants to talk about herself go figure, and she does because i usually let her because i don’t talk to her, so just re evaluate who your friends really are, and try to talk to them about yourself good times and bad times
Oh and sorry it’s so long : ( : )
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Wow! My heart aches for you. You are trying so hard to be accepted by everyone when the only one who needs to accept you is God, and yourself. God already accepts you just the way you are. But you haven’t accepted yourself. You can’t even be yourself. You are trying to be everything to everyone. You don’t really have tons of friends. What you have is tons of leaches who are bent on sucking the life out of you. Before you can love anyone, you must first love yourself. Trying to parent your parents sucks! If your parents are alcoholics or drug abusers, then you are having to take on some heavy duty responsibility. You’re too young for this. You need help. Because of your situation you are trying to relieve the pain by self injury, and anorexia/bulimia for the control over your life. You sound like an absolutely fantastic person to me! But you need help with your home situation. Please talk to a trusted school counselor or a church pastor if you attend church. Someone needs to come to your aid and fast! Please do that for me. Don’t go to your so-called "friends". They are really only acquaintances. A real friend takes the time to listen to you, not TAKE YOUR TIME for you to listen to them. You can E-mail me anytime if you need to talk. I’m a mother and a grandmother and I’d love to listen. But first, promise me that you’ll seek help. O.K?
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I recommend you check out this social networking community called LetsReflect.com. There are people there going through situations similar to yours. They are great for advice and encouragement.
The process of Self Reflection has truly changed my life….here’s my profile. http://www.letsreflect.com/profile.php?userid=6
This is a journey….not a quick fix. The trick is staying positive and surrounding yourself with positive people. You are capable of great things! I believe in you. Best of luck.
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