Hi,
First off I dont need anyone making fun of me please. I’m not a troll or whatever else. I need real, honest, and humane advise or support or whatever. Ok I will give a short and sweet run off of everything. I’m 27 and have been struggling with Anorexia and Bulimia for almost 17 years. I was sexually abused by someone at church for almost 10 years. There was never any action taken against the man who did this even though my mother found out what was going on. My Father was never told until about 3 months ago. My mother also has struggled with bulimia since before I was born. I have tried many methods of treatment and have yet to kick this. I was recently admitted to the hospital for my second heart attack I am in stage 4 kidney failure and on dialysis 3 times a week though I was not doing dialysis as often before being admitted. I was in the hospital almost 5 weeks being stabalized hydrated etc and thought this would be my push to get things going. The eating disorder unit in my state will not accept me because when I was there I had been court ordered and was not ready for treatment and was unsuccessfully discharged for behavioral issues. I live at home with my parents for physical help and because I havent been able to work since I was kicked out of university. I feel like my life is lost to this disorder and I may as well give up rather than exhaust myself trying like I have been. My parents dont want me too far away where they cant visit and I cant pay for treatment alone. Ive been able to eat twice since I was discharged and that was thursday. I want to beat this so badly but my mind feels so gone. I thought I finally had a grip on everything. Please help. Thanks

God bless you. I can relate to your problems, although my ed has never been as severe. Have you read Wasted? I am assuming you have because it’s simply the best book out there on eating disorders. If you haven’t then please check it out its Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. I dunno what to tell you except keep fighting. Ask yourself, what have I gained from this disorder? Have I achieved what I thought I would from it? Having spent 17 years battling this disorder, I am sure you convinced yourself that your ed is your companion, your savior…etc we like to believe that its true, but ask yourself, is it true? You have to think of your ED as your enemy. You always have to remind yourself of the things that this ed took away from you. You education, your Independence, your freedom, your identity. The irony is you probably turned to it searching for an identity, when in fact all it did was strip you of any sense of self.
Hang in there, and keep in mind that if you give up then you allow your ED to win. It’s not worth it. Nothing in the world is worth giving your life up. Think of all the things that you would like to do in life. If you have dreams, ambitions, goals then focus on those. Try your hardest to regain your strength so that you can experience all the beautiful things that life has to offer. You have my full support, and if you wish to keep in touch then please feel free to do so.

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